Supernatural Episode Thoughts: What is and What Should Never Be...
This week’s thoughts for Supernatural ‘What is and What Should Never be’.
And would you believe I hesitated about whether or not to post a review?
Okay, I have to say this but the gnome, in the garden when Dean was mowing the lawn. The one the camera kept cutting too?
It so reminded me of John…
Dude! I’m sorry. I can’t explain but the gnome… I’m so calling him John…
I think the is the first time ever that I have been at a loss for words over Supernatural.
Sure there have been times when I’ve found it difficult to fully describe exactly how an episode made me feel but not like this.
I’m so torn.
On the one hand, I thoroughly loved this episode. Man, I loved it so much but on the other, I didn’t like the fact that it seriously broke my heart.
I loved it because if ever someone was to sit down and pick the meat from Dean Winchester’s bones… now there’s something that could keep a person busy for a very long time.
There’s nothing better than an episode that is centred around its characters. Character driven plots beat monster of the weak every single time.
But on the other hand, there was so much about this episode that hurt, real bad that I’m not sure I even want to think about it.
Especially Dean’s self esteem issues.
Mostly, I’m not getting the warm fuzzy vibes I know a lot of people felt regarding Dean’s alternate reality.
Dean wasn’t happy. He was Dean being Dean.
He was Dean being happy for everyone else. He was happy for Sam.
Sam had everything he always wanted. Normal. Safe.
He had Standford and he had Jessica.
Sam was finally going to marry the girl of his dreams.
Dean’s face during Mary’s birthday dinner, the ring, the way Dean watched Sam and Jessica together…
He was so happy for Sam. The look on Dean’s face during that moment…
Mary was alive, she was going to have grandchildren…
John died in his sleep, he went peacefully which sure beat the alternative.
The only time I felt a real sense of anything for Dean, solely for Dean was that he could have been happy with Carmen, given the chance, he could have found a sense of belonging among the simple things in life. A cool chick, a few beers, a cheeseburger… mowing the lawn.
Even chilled out on his sofa playing his guitar. Dude, Dean had a guitar! Does that mean he still needed an escape, something to help him avoid the things he didn’t want to think about?
But even that, Dean’s second chance?
Seemed to centre around fixing things with Sam. Making it up to him.
But again, that’s Dean. Never wanting anything for himself, even now, everything he’s asking for, none of it is for him.
Your happiness for all those people’s lives, no contest. Right?
That scene at John’s graveside killed me dead, several times over. The fact that in Dean’s mind John is buried somewhere with a marker for all to see, a loving husband and father. Remebered forever.
Well not the John that played softball because in Dean’s mind there is only one John Winchester and he’s dead. He made the ultimate sacrifice, his life for Dean’s.
Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?
And still, Dean never asked for anything for himself. Only, for Mary to live her life. For Sam to be married…
So yeah Dean, I could ask you the same question.
“Why do you have to be some kind of hero? Why do you have to sacrifice everything?”
Because he’s Dean? It’s who he is, what he does because he isn’t some kind of a hero.
He’s a special kind of hero. The kind that is willing to sacrifice the needs of one (himself) to save many (his family).
As his father before him.
But the thing which hurt the most, wasn’t even that Sam and Dean didn’t get along. That in Dean’s mind he was a screw up, that without hunting, without that connection, he and Sam had nothing in common.
It was the way Sam continually backed away from Dean.
Every single time Dean approached Sam, he pulled back, stepped back, shrugged Dean off, and always with a look, like he wanted to be anywhere else but sharing breathing space with Dean.
That was painful. So much in fact that I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn’t Sammy. Not the Sammy we know because he would never do that. Sure Sam and Dean may stow the touchy-feely crap but to look at your brother as if it’s an effort to even be in the same room with him.
In fact everyone seemed like Dean touching them made them uncomfortable for one reason or another.
Mary looked extremely uncomfortable when Dean hugged her to begin with, which alright, maybe a little understandable considering he seemed to be acting strange. But wouldn’t that make you want to be closer to them, as a mother, be there for them, support them through whatever it was?
Hug Dean the same way Mary hugged Sam in the restaurant?
Not just call their girlfriend to come collect them.
And the comment the following day, about how he was supposed to be at work?
The way everyone suddenly decided to turn in immediately after returning from Mary’s birthday dinner.
Maybe it’s just me but it seemed if people weren’t trying to push Dean away, they were trying to escape him.
Have I mentioned that I love Carmen?
I’m not saying I didn’t think there was love, or that others weren’t loving toward Dean because they were. It just seemed like it was an obligatory form of love, something that was required for Dean to believe in this reality.
And honestly, I’m not so sure I liked this version of Sam. The flashy clothes, the flash car, the beautiful girlfriend on his arm. All bling and no substance. He lacked Sam’s passion, his fire. A man of means but without meaning, without depth.
What happened to you Sammy?
I’m sorry, I know Sam wanted normal, safe, an education and a career but all that to become a lesser man?
Shoot me for saying it but if hunting, having a father who was too absorbed with revenge to raise you means you're nothing but a soldier.
If it means you’re a responsibilty handed to an older a brother to raise, to care for, to mould and shape.
Then I’d much rather have, saving people, hunting things, the family business.
Because normal could never take a small child and shape him into the man Dean Winchester did.
And safe could never take a six month old child, love him, care for him, hold his hand and watch him grow. It could never instill in a small child the strength, the compassion, the ability to love and care for others, all the things Dean taught Sam.
Normal could never hold a candle to the real Sam Winchester.
Okay look, you’re right. I was wrong, you’re not crazy but we need to get out of here, fast.
Sam would never.
The real Sam Winchester would never run, he’d never not try and save someone to protect himself.
I don’t think you’re real.
You can bet the Impala on it, Dean.
The real Sam Winchester would never have tried to convince Dean to leave, not without trying to save the girl first.
I think the first glimpse, the first sense of Sam came when Dean said goodbye, when he set out to confront the Djin. Probably believing he was going to die.
When Sam climbed into the car and refused to leave.
And Dean, he was so waiting for Sam. He knew, I think some part of Dean was waiting for Sam to do exactly that.
Whatever stupid thing you’re about to do, you’re not doing it alone and that’s that!
Because you’re still my brother.
Omg! Sammy. There you are. So like:
You’re my brother, and I’d die for you…
And Dean saw it too, the glimpse of his Sam.
And Dean, the way he worked it all out, reminded me so much of Dean from ‘Houses of the Holy’, the:
Because I believe in what I can see…
Dean’s sense of reality, the state of the world as it really is rather than as he might want it to be…
Mary was wrong. There’s no angel’s watching over them. There’s just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds.
Dean’s seen it, with his own two eyes.
He didn’t just accept the other reality as it seemed the Djin’s other victims did.
She didn’t know where she was. She thought she was with her father…
Dean knew where he was. He knew he was tied up in that building and that everything else was in his head.
Because Dean is grounded in reality. He may wish, he may sometimes wonder, what if…
But Dean accepts things for the way they are no matter how painful it is. Dean knows exactly what secrets are hidden away in his closet, so as not to be seen.
But Dean sees. Dean knows…
I’m here, with you, now…
But he wasn’t. Not really. Not Sammy, he was out there somewhere, alone. Unprotected…
Why did you have to keep digging? Why couldn’t you have left well enough alone…
Sam would know, the real Sam. Sammy wouldn’t even need to ask that question.
You were happy
He was happy that Sam was happy, that his family was happy.
It’s still better than anything you had…
Better than Sam. Dean’s Sam?
You don’t have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him have a full life…
You’re taking away Dean’s reason to be. Who Dean is, it’s always going to be Sam. Without that, without *his* Sam, Dean has no reason, no purpose. He can’t be a civilian, he doesn’t fit.
Dean has a purpose. An important job to do and it isn’t over…
Not as long as there’s Sammy.
Why is it our job to save everyone… haven’t we done enough?
Oh, Sam. If you hadn’t have looked down at that moment. If you’d have held Dean’s stare, focused on Dean and not the knife. You might just have convinced me.
*cries for them both*
And Dean’s hesitation. The final chance to look upon their faces, to look back at Sam, at everything he could have, if he were only willing sacrifice his life for it.
The lives of all those they’d saved, could go on to save.
And maybe he could have stayed… because for Sam, for his family, the things Dean is willing to do scare even Dean sometimes.
If he were willing to sacrifice *his* Sam.
The one thing, the only thing Dean will never sacrifice.
There’s no place like home.
Because chaos, random unpredictable evil is where Dean lives.
It was just a wish, I wished for mom to live. Mom never died, we never went hunting and me and you, we just never…
Well I’m glad we do, and I’m glad you dug yourself out Dean.
And Sammy, so knows what, who was the reason behind Dean’s decision. Why Dean was able to do that, to leave it all behind.
Most people wouldn’t have had the strength, they would have just stayed.
Most people aren’t Dean.
I wanted to stay, I wanted to stay so much. We’ve lost so much, we’ve sacrificed so much…
It’s worth it Dean. It is. It’s not fair and it hurts like hell but…
It’s worth it.
Dear Sam Winchester,
The real Sam Winchester,
I know you’re smart and all but who said you could grow up?
Ps, I am so proud of you.
PPs, I can still call you Sammy, right?
So much love,
Dear Dean Winchester,
You know, I’ve loved some characters people in my time but you?
There are heroes, there are people out there you wouldn’t believe, in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even have scary faces, you may even think them monsters, until you get to know them and realise that sometimes even monsters are heroes. People who fight the good fight because it’s the right thing to do.
Some of them can even fly. Can you believe that?
They know sacrifice.
But you, without a single super power save for a huge heart and the ability to put others before yourself, their lives before your own.
I don’t know why you have to be some kind of a hero. Actually I do but eventually, I’m sure you’ll work that one out for yourself.
But for the record, you’ll never be just some kind of hero. You’ll always be the best kind.
Ps, don’t believe me? Ask Sammy!
Love doesn’t even come close,
So was it a wish?
Something Dean’s mind created?
Or was it something Dean carries with him always, the memory of that night, how if only…
Something the Djin just yanked out and used, manipulated, the rest just random memories, jumbled images that served a purpose?
Does the past have a separate existence--or does it merely exists only because someone experienced it?
Whatever, I am now utterly terrified as to what is in store for them, what’s coming…