I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed my livejournal as much or the whole livejournal experience as much as I have this past year.
It’s been an awesome ride and that’s all because of You!.
I just wanted to take a little time out to say thank you to everyone who dropped me comments on the Supernatural Episode Reviews, seriously.
Thank you for every comment.
For sharing your thoughts and fears and your love of the Winchesters.
For squeeeing with me.
Crying with me.
Holding my hand.
For always getting that it’s Sam and Dean and not Sam or Dean.
For coming over here and loving them both.
The quality of comments on the review threads has totally blown me away. The way you all took the time to come here and share so much of yourself and love of the show in the way that you have?
As in depth as you have?
You blow me away with the awesomeness that is You!.
And to think my livejournal was once just a place for me to escape to and now, it’s a place I love to be.
And thank you to everyone who got so sick of hearing me ramble on about the Winchesters that they decided to check them out for themselves. And then came back to join in the Winchester love *grins*
I can’t remember ever having enjoyed a show as much as I have Supernatural.
And it’s not because it’s better than other shows I love or have loved.
It’s because I’ve never shared the experience so completely, shared my characters so completely as I have with Sam and Dean and their road trip. Or had so many people willing to share back, to share their Sam and Dean and John.
And to think, we get to do it all over again next season.
And now I’ll go back to sitting on my typing fingers. I was going to make this whole post as to why I didn’t think Dean making a deal was out of character.
And why I so loved that Dean pulled the trigger.
And why Sam has always loved Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.
But then I visited a few forums and dude, the fuck?
Dean making a deal translates to:
Ha! In your face all those who love Dean’s ability to be perfect.
And Sam doing the whole badass thing translates to:
Ha! In your face all those who love Sam’s ability to be perfect.
It kind of made me appreciate my Flist even more, you know?
Because neither one of them are perfect, they’ve both done things to ensure the safety of the other, which could be seen as morally dubious.
And while yeah, there’s been moments of dude, WTF?
It’s the thing which makes me love them as much as I do. The fact that they’re not perfect, that there are things they are both willing to do, things that scare even them.
It’s Dean, I couldn’t let him…
It’s Sam, I couldn’t let him…
He’s my brother, I couldn’t let him…
It’s why I love them so much. Because they’re there for each other no matter what. They hunt things, and they save people and there isn’t a thing they wouldn’t do to protect the other.
They’re human and they’re flawed and at the same time so damn perfect in their ability to make mistakes.
They stand side by side and they say,
“This is my brother and no one is going to hurt him, not while I’m around.”
“This is my brother, and there isn’t anything, any length I won’t go to fix this.”
I guess this being a show that has two main characters, who are both such an integral part of the plot, the mytharc means we get a choice.
I know we’re supposed to see the show through Sam’s eyes but mostly we’ve been given a choice. We can either watch it through Sam’s eyes, or See it through Dean’s.
Or we can watch it, see it as the bond between Sam and Dean.
I guess that’s how I watch it.
I don’t see Sam. I see how Dean loves Sam. I see Sam through Dean’s eyes and my God…
Sam is beautiful. He’s thoughtful and giving, he sees people, understands them, their thoughts and fears, their strengths and weaknesses. He wears his heart on his sleeve and when he loves, he loves wholeheartedly.
Everyday Sam loves and shows that love in so many ways, different ways, understated ways because he isn’t afraid to love.
And sometimes because it is an understated thing, the small things, gestures that reveal Sam’s love… they can often go unnoticed.
Sam cries when he’s sad. He grieves when he suffers a loss, he smiles, he laughs… he also huffs a lot too. Sam expresses the emotions he feels rather than locking them up where they fester and grind his inside to shreds.
He’s strong, tough, stubborn, likes his own way.
Sam is very much the Alpha-Type male but was raised and guided by someone who loved him beyond all else, who sheltered him, protected him and went out fo his way to indulge him.
Sam was raised by Dean and so isn’t afraid to show his feelings because having Dean around meant it was always safe for Sam to do that.
Sam is an Alpha-Type male who isn’t afraid to express a sensitive Beta-Type personality.
And sometimes because we’re so used to seeing Sam express his emotions we fail to see the little gestures that speak volumes.
That reveal just how much he loves Dean.
Sam was born with an Alpha Male personality but his upbringing was all Beta and that enables Sam to draw himself up to his considerable height, look anyone in the eye and admit to enjoying ‘All my Children’.
And to be unafraid to express his love for his brother.
I don’t see Dean. I see how Sam loves Dean. I see Dean through Sam’s eyes and my God…
Dean is a force to be reckoned with. He’s battered and bruised and so worn down by life and yet, so able to pick himself up and go on. He doesn’t wear his heart in his sleeve. Dean hides behind the walls he’s been building all his life. He suppressess so much, refuses to talk about it and he won’t let anyone help him.
Until it all becomes too much and when the walls finally crumble?
Most of the time his emotions are a silent, simmering volcano, hiding behind a disciplined, almost military reserve.
And when that volcano erupts, it’s spectacular.
It’s so spectacular, it’s almost blinding in its intensity and extinguishes all and any doubt as to Dean’s love for Sam.
It hits so hard that the impact of it can leave wounds that take a long time healing.
Dean follows orders. He sets aside his individual needs for the needs of his family. He sacrifices...
Dean is the Beta-Type personality but Dean was raised by John, in an environment where emotions were a weakness, where physical strength and ability where rewarded.
Be strong, be tough or die at the hands of something evil and monstrous.
Shoot first ask questions later.
Dean learned how to masquerade as an Alpha-Type male. He learned to fight and to hide his feelings behind the walls he erected. The personality Dean was born with is all Beta Male but he was raised in a Alpha environment
We all have belief systems that control how we live our lives. Dean is no different. He’s learned through experience that being emotional--revealing his emotions--means he ‘s weak.
But just like Sam, all those things Dean learned as a child are still being shaped and reshaped through their experiences as adults.
They’re learning from each other.
Sam knows that Dean does tailspin, that sometimes he’s his own worst enemy and being the little brother doesn’t mean he has to be always protected. Sometimes Dean needs protecting too, sometimes Dean needs someone to take care of him.
And Sam’s strong enough to do that. He’s tough enough to stand up to Dean and he’s sensitive enough to understand that beneath the tough guy exterior is someone who needs to be loved, to be shown love no matter how much he may and will probably scoff at the very idea.
And Dean’s learning that Sam’s no longer a little boy, he’s a grown man who’s more than capable of taking care of himself.
And Dean should the need ever arise.
They know each other better than they know themselves.
Their love for each other is massive, consuming and equal.
Sam: “Look Dean…uhm… I just wanna say… that I…uhm…”
Dean: “Hey… me too!”
But you know what?
I doesn’t matter what we believe.
It doesn’t matter whether we believe Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.
It only matters that he does.
And that Dean believes it.
Here, have a few piccies…
The words yes but pay careful attention to the facial expressions because it's all there... everything... just like it's always there.
“Did I die?”
“Did you sell your soul for me like Dad did for you?”
“Tell me the truth… Dean tell me the truth…”
“How long’d you get?”
“I got one year.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Don’t get mad at me. Don’t you do that…”
“I had to look out for you. I had to.”
“That’s my job!”
“And what do you think my job is?”
“You save my life. Over and over.”
“I mean you sacrifice everything for me…”
“Don’t you think I’d do the same for you?”
“You’re my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“And I don’t care what it takes. I’m gonna get you out of this.”
“I guess I gotta save your ass for change…”
And just because…
Now that's love for you, right there!
Maybe I’ll add the other posts on to my ‘to do’ list :)