In Case You're New Around Here, I Can Sometimes be Dramatic
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve whined about not finishing fic and mostly it’s because I’ve noticed lately just how little I talk around LJ. I don’t mean ramble or squeeee! because yeah…
But you know, share words that say something other than nothing. I know I’m not the easiest person to connect with; I tend to be more than a little, okay a lot of a loner and when I do connect I tend to panic, back off and retreat to my own little corner where I’m content to play alone.
I guess I’ve always been more comfortable living inside my own head.
Anyway it’s come to my attention that this journal is rapidly becoming nothing more than a media journal and that wasn’t my original intention. I’ve spent the past couple of days cleaning up my server and having a tidy around and out of the many Gigabytes of files on there over thirty that’s 30 Gigabytes is related to SPN/Jensen/Jared media files and I may be in the process of uploading more.
My fiction is more personal, more of me because they’re my thoughts, there’s more of the real me woven into each sentence, fleeting thought or warring emotions that become untold stories waiting for their moment to escape and evolve…
And I miss that, I miss sharing that because often it’s the only time I really share the real me but I’m reverting back to the same old, ongoing tug of war I’ve always had with this journal. The struggle between stepping over the warning signs that flash:
‘You are now leaving the security of Comfort Zone, population: One’
And stepping over it anyway, comfort and security be damned.
Because when I pay attention to the warning signs and stay safely behind the comfort zone this journal becomes fucking passionless. And to be content with that…
Passion is what it’s all about, being passionate about something and words have always been my first love. Its one thing to write what you know but it’s another to spill your heart and soul onto a page and watch it bleed into words.
And I miss that…
So, I’m NOT going to stop posting media, especially SPN related media because I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t passionate about SPN related anything. In fact I may be posting a certain Padalecki related media later when I get around to uploading all the pretty screencaps to go along with it.
I’m going to try and stop neglecting the plot bunnies to the point of starving them of love because it’s not as if I don’t have any. In fact I have so many plot bunnies taking up space in my brain I’m surprised they’re not initiating turf wars with the ever patient WIPs.
And maybe if I give in to one of them now and again the spark may once again become a flame. Because after all, stories told from behind the security of a comfort zone are not the stories you may one day want to tell your grandchildren fandom :)